by Leon Acord
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GENRE: Memoir
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BLURB:
A droll, oddly
inspirational memoir from the actor Breitbart once called "a gay leftist
activist," SUB-LEBRITY by Leon Acord (Old Dogs & New Tricks) is an
honest, sometimes bitchy but always sincere story about growing up (very) gay
in rural Indiana, achieving acting success outside the closet, and generating
headlines with his very-public smackdown with Trump-loving Susan Olsen (Cindy,
The Brady Bunch)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Excerpt:
One of my nemeses from the jock clique, Rick Sisson, was
slumming, playing the bit part of an “Old Man” about to be poisoned by two
murderous old ladies in Arsenic & Old Lace.
As Mortimer, I was to rush on stage, see the Old Man about
to drink a glass of poisoned elderberry wine, grab him by the jacket, and shove
him out of my crazy aunts’ house.
That was how we’d been playing it.
For closing night, he and his jock buddies thought of a
hilarious prank. Instead of setting his
glass of fake wine on the table before I grabbed him, he’d throw the full glass
of Hawaiian Punch into my face! It was
closing night, why not? Smear the queer!
The sizable high-school auditorium was packed with a rowdy
closing-night crowd of parents, faculty and friends, unaware they were about to
witness my humiliation.
The moment arrived. I
entered, rushed to the Old Man with the glass near his lips, and SPLASH!
I was stunned. Rick
rushed through the door and off stage before I could do a thing.
The audience erupted with laughter. Erupted!
And didn’t stop!
I’d seen it on sitcoms all my short life. Actors forced to hold for a laugh. I lived for the moments on the Carol Burnett
Show when something went wrong or when the actors tried not to laugh. And now, I was experiencing that myself. It felt wonderful!
Rick wanted me to feel like Carrie White. Instead, I felt like Cary Grant.
The two teenaged actresses playing my aunts just watched,
trying not to laugh themselves.
I felt myself about to smile. I turned my back to the audience and fumbled
through a desk on stage, pretending to blindly look for a handkerchief – a
cover until I could wipe the now-gigantic smile off my face. The audience found this hilarious and
continued howling.
Back in character, I gave up at the desk and turned to face
the audience just as the laugh was softening.
I instinctively yanked off my clip-on tie and began dabbing my wet face
with it.
The audience screamed with laughter again – this time, the
laughter morphed into applause.
The song from the Broadway musical Applause is right – it’s
better than pot, it’s better than booze.
Waiting out a long laugh break, instinctively finding ways to prolong
it, riding it like a surfer on a wave, then crashing against the shore in a
loud burst of applause, is the best feeling in the world.
I had flirted with the idea of being an actor, among other
creative pursuits, all though childhood.
But in this moment, I knew. I’d spend the rest of my life
chasing that feeling.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leon
Acord is an award-winning actor and
writer who has appeared in over 35 films you've never seen and 30 plays you've
never heard of. Possible exceptions include the digital TV series Old Dogs
& New Tricks on Amazon Prime Video (which he created, wrote &
co-produced), and the stage hit Carved in Stone (in which he played
Quentin Crisp in both SF and LA productions). His memoir, SUB-LEBRITY: The
Queer Life of a Show-Biz Footnote, is now available in paperback &
e-book on Amazon. He wrote his one-man show Last Sunday in June (1996) and
co-authored the 2014 play Setting the Record Gay. He was a "Take
Five" columnist for Back Stage West throughout 2009 and a former
contributor to Huffington Post. He has also written for San Francisco Examiner and
the journal Human Prospect. He currently lives in West LA with husband Laurence
Whiting & their cat Toby. Learn more
at www.LeonAcord.com
www.facebook.com/LeonAcordActor
www.twitter.com/Sub_lebrityLeon
Blog: www.LeonAcord.com/blog
Amazon:
www.bit.ly/SUBpaperback
Old Dogs & New Tricks website: www.odnt.tv
My Five Favorite (And Most Inspiring) Show-Biz
Biographies by Leon Acord
I’m not a fan of “woe is me” show-biz bios. I prefer to read
about actors and actresses who have what my grandma called “gumption,” those who
get back up each time they’re knocked down.
These books have provided inspiration throughout my acting
career and inspired me again as I wrote my own show-biz memoir, SUB-LEBRITY*
The Queer Life of a Show-Biz Footnote.
By Myself, Lauren Bacall.
The gold-standard of show-biz biographies – perhaps the only
one to win a National Book Award. You’ve heard many of her stories before, I’m
sure – how quivering nerves lead her to create “The Look,” her passionate love
affair and marriage to Humphrey Bogart, her rocky relationship with Sinatra.
But if you’re like me, you’ll most enjoy the last third of the book, where she
discusses her New York theatre career and her triumph on Broadway in Applause.
Think actors have an easy job? She will correct you of that notion, with
details on how hard she worked to headline that musical. (Her routine would’ve
killed an NFL linebacker, but it won her a Tony!) She writes just like she talked
– direct, no bullshit – which is what makes her book so much fun. You totally
hear her voice, 100%, as you read. No ghost writers for Betty Bacall of
Brooklyn, New York, thank you very much!
Shock
Value – A Tasteful Book About Bod Taste, John Waters
Crackpot – The Obsessions of John Waters
I love pretty much anything he writes, but these collections
of biographical essays are my favorite. These first two collections, when he
was still a relatively underground cult figure, are the best, in my humble
opinion. First, in Shock Value, he writes about making of Pink
Flamingos and Desperate Living, his early collaborations with drag
icon Divine, his loving relationship with his parents, “Why I Love Violence,”
“Baltimore, Hairdo Capital of the World” and more. I thought it couldn’t any
campier, any zanier, any better. But then it does, in his follow-up Crackpot.
Now the fun really begins, with “John Waters’ Tour of L.A.,” his
jaw-dropping interview with Pia Zadora, why he loves Christmas, and “How to
Become Famous.” But the two best essays in this second collection would be a
challenging writing exercise for any writer. In “Hatchet Piece” he manages to
incorporate 101 things he hates into a single narrative piece. Then does the
same with 101 things he loves in “Puff Piece.” (I tried to do it. It’s not
easy!)
Born With Teeth, Kate Mulgrew
The newest edition to my shelf of all-time favorite
celebrity memoirs. I know most people read it for all the dirt on Star Trek:
Voyager, but I was a fan of Ms. Mulgrew way back in the late 1970s
when she briefly played Columbo’s wife in a not-very-well-thought-out spinoff
called Mrs. Columbo (which then became Kate Columbo, then Kate
the Detective, then Kate Loves a Mystery, all within one season,
before disappearing forever). I feared she’d either give this minor credit on
her resume short shrift, or ignore it completely, but no, she goes there! My
favorite part? When young Kate Mulgrew tells then all-powerful NBC programming
chief Fred Silverman “No, thank you, I’ll pass” over lunch in his boardroom.
Can you imagine the chutzpah?
If Chins Could Kill – Confessions of a B Movie Actor,
Bruce Campbell
A very funny, working class, zero-bullshit look at indie
filmmaking, the perils of series TV, and the challenges of earning a living in
this crazy business we call show. Even
if you’re not a fan of the Evil Dead film series (frankly, it’s one of
the few horror films I do not enjoy), you will love this memoir. Mr. Campbell
has no pretentions, and he calls ‘em as he sees ‘em. Even if it wasn’t one hell
of a fun read – and it is – you gotta love anyone who bashes stuffed-shirt
Charlton Heston in print. All the books on this list influenced me while
writing SUB-LEBRITY – but none more than this one!
Scarlett O’Hara’s Younger Sister, Evelyn Keyes
Racy, juicy, and a who’s who of classic Hollywood. Keyes
worked in Hollywood from the late 1930s to the 1970s. She knew everybody. And she
slept with most of them. I first read this in junior high back in Indiana,
before I even knew who most of the “names” were, and when I was too young to
understand most of her erotic references. But I was intrigued by the tag line
“She was never famous! Find out why!” (Kinda like my book!) What an
education she provided! My favorite story (and she has many) is when she
crashes her car on a rainy Christmas Eve in Hollywood. She knocks on the door
of the nearest house, and who should answer but Katherine Hepburn, with tea and
sympathy and warm towels! No, Ms. Keyes did not have sex with Ms.
Hepburn. But I’m sure if she had, she’d written about that one, too!
I highly recommend them all. Check them out – but only after
you’ve read SUB-LEBRITY*, of course!
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ReplyDeleteThe book sounds great.
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