TALES OF A MERMAID GONE OVER THE DEEP END & Giveaway

 

 

Tales of a Mermaid Gone Over the Deep End

by Teresa Fischtner

 

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GENRE: Non-fiction (biography/autobiography)

 

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BLURB:

 

Advance praise (payback) for Teresa Fischtner:

 

"Well, this is a little embarrassing. I didn't actually read the WHOLE book, but it's probably pretty good. I'm not sure what she said about me, but you should know—SHE shot me in the back on my 19th birthday!"

– Ronny Fischtner (author's son)

 

"I love my mom and I love MOST of this book. It should be noted that my bowling has improved, I've given up hockey, accounting is for nerds, pancakes is food for super heroes and no one needs to count how many boyfriends I've had."

– Malyn Fischtner (author's daughter)

 

"I'm pleased to be the source of so much humour for my wife. I just wish she didn't feel the need to publish it."

– Ron Fischtner (author's husband)

 

"It was the last class of the evening that I was teaching, and we were doing our stretches, and at the surface of the water I noticed a single floating nipple happily bobbing away on its own. Unsure if its owner was still in the water, I quietly asked the nearest lady, "Excuse me, could you just pass me that nipple over your right shoulder?

 

"There I held a lovely C-cup breast that went rogue. I made posters for the lost breast (seriously, I made missing boob posters). No one claimed her. I introduced her to all the instructors, but no one recognized her (honestly, they all look the same after a few years at the pool). No one ever claimed Betty (yes, we gave her a name). Betty stayed on the teachers' table in our special little box for a long time. Eventually, like all good boobs, she wrinkled up, lost her bounce, and sagged lower and lower in the box until we all forgot how much fun she was when we first found her."

 

This is a feel-good book of true short stories about me, my family, friends, and my aquafit business, Over the Deep End. We all have stories to share, and the true ones are always the best. I'm sharing some of my most vulnerable moments, some of my greatest moments, and some of my saddest. Hopefully, in one story or another, you find something way better than me—you might find you. We all have a story and a different way to tell it. I hope telling my stories helps you tell some of your own.

 

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EXCERPTS:

 

The last class of the day for me was gym (ugh). I was never an athletic kid, and by that, I mean I was really bad. To make matters worse, the girls’ change room was in the basement. It was way too small with low ceilings, and it was crowded. I think everyone has a bit of claustrophobia, and some of us have a lot.

 

First day, last class, hot September day; it was a stressful time indeed. Thank goodness it was an all-girls class, so at least I didn’t have any jocks to humiliate myself in front of, and I had two of my best friends with me! We all got dressed and went outside to the track; warm-up was a one-mile run. OMG. By that, I mean, oh my god, that is bat shit crazy! I don’t run; I don’t jog; I walk only when I have to. It was a quarter mile track, so that meant four times around it for a mile. I was freaking out, but I’m an optimist. Maybe I can run; I had never really tried to run a mile, so, hey, maybe it’s not that bad. Running is bad! I made it around once and had to drop it to a walk for the second lap. Third round, I made a pathetic attempt at a jog, and by the final round, I was the only one still out on the track. My two best friends came back for me, and each hooked an arm in mine and literally dragged me the last quarter mile. It was clear; I didn’t know how to run, but I was awesome at picking friends.

 

For the rest of that class, all I can remember is trying to recover and how I would convince my parents that a spare this semester would serve us all much better than this shit. The class ended late, and all the girls had to rush to the change room to get changed in time to catch our busses. If you were a farm kid, catching the bus was crucial. Farm parents didn’t taxi their kids around; they just didn’t, and kids just knew it. There were thirty-plus girls in this tiny change room, all frantically getting changed after completing a near marathon. This was not my happy place, not at all.

 

I felt dizzy and hot. I thought, shit, if I faint now, I am going to miss my bus for sure. Next thing I know, I am half-dressed, propped up against the cement wall with my phys-ed teacher (a man no less; exactly what every thirteen-year-old girl needs!) taking my pulse.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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AUTHOR Bio and Links:

 

Teresa Fischtner is an "aqua entrepreneur." After 25 years working in accounting, she changed careers and started teaching aquafit at her family pool. Customers come to "Over the Deep End" for full body workouts in deep water and they leave with a sense of community and friendship that Teresa has created, and all her mermaids and mermen continue to nurture.

 

This is Teresa's first book; she writes from her heart with honesty and humour. Comments and kindness always welcome at teresa@overthedeepend.ca.

 

 

Connect with Teresa Fischtner

 

WEBSITE https://www.overthedeepend.ca/

 

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/Over-The-Deep-End-535033316645038

 

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/overthedeependfitness/

 

GOODREADS https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/21918424.Teresa_Fischtner

 

Get your copy of Tales of a Mermaid Gone Over The Deep End                

 

AMAZON.COM https://amazon.com/dp/0228863007

 

AMAZON.CA https://amazon.ca/dp/0228863007

 

BOOKSHOP https://bookshop.org/books/tales-of-a-mermaid-gone-over-the-deep-end/9780228863007

 

INDIGO CHAPTERS https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/books/tales-of-a-mermaid-gone/9780228863014-item.html

 

BARNES & NOBLE https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/tales-of-a-mermaid-gone-over-the-deep-end-teresa-fischtner/1140326424

 

BOOK DEPOSITORY https://www.bookdepository.com/Tales-of-Mermaid-Gone-Over-The-Deep-End-Teresa-Fischtner/9780228863007

 

SMASHWORDS https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1108469

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